every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
