drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
