it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize