Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And then my night got REAL pukey
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
