If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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