WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
