Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
