my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
