they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
