Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
