Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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