Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
