God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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