we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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