We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize