We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
