3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
