At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
