even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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