1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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