i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
