Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
