I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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