Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
