The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
