Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
