we're blogging at a bar
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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