the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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