Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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