I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
