Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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