in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
