he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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