Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
