I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
