I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
