guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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