I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize