I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
