You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
