Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
