is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
