You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
