You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
