he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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