So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
