But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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