I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
