I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
