when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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