I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
