This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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