There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
