when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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