Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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