i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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