I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
