i love accidental penises.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize