Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
