in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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