Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
