I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We don't watch enough power rangers
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
