That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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