And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
