Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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