Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
