Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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