College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize