I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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