actually, I'm a sock model
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
