Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
