Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize