Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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