It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
