i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
