College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
