he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
