and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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