Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
