Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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