my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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