I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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