shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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