I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
