If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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