Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
