rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
