I wish I could teleport
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize