He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
