Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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