just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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