Soap is not a condiment
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
