he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
