if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so that wasnt chicken after all
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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