He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
