I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You work out of a Hotel?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
