One girl and one boy is just not enough.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
