bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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