i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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