Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
