i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
