Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
