I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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