Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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