OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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