And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
