I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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