Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
