part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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