I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize