Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
