Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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